Dreaming of Raskolnikov

If you would allow me to speak frankly, in the way my thoughts are naturally carried, I feel as if these past 10 years have been like a dream, an out of body experience even to reflect back on them. My sleep is an escape from it, when I wake I recall the insanity of this waking dream and lament.

Let me tell you that some time ago, when I was in my prime, in my element in life, several friends laid upon me their own waywardness. I became their scapegoat. It is a curious motif in Scripture that I’ve dwelt upon heavily in this dream-state of daily living.

I would not (at all) call myself spotless, but most definitely innocent of the crimes and vices projected upon me. I felt exiled, though truly the burden of it caused me to exile myself from certain social circles. I went to the fringe of society and felt comforted by those around me – extraordinary people.

A question arises about the ancient times, what would have happened if there was no scapegoat? The leaders would bow before the holy of holies and die. (Leviticus 16:7-10)

The questions still remains, then, what happens when the scapegoat returns from the wilderness and seeks to dwell again among the people? Those who cast her out feel shame, disgusted, their holiness questioned, they are more than put out.

They may well unleash their fury upon the creature and sacrifice it – lest it open its mouth to proclaim the horrid truths. You see, the biblical advice tells us there are dark things lurking within humankind, things that ought not be spoken.

However, that is what I did, I spilled it all to the highest on high in the spire. It was such a wild and lurid story I told – it was simply unbelievable, both to myself and to the keeper of the crook.

Again, we return to the question of what happens when the goat returns to the town. I was sacrificed, yet again I must say I sacrificed myself so to have the ordeal come to an end. I’d left the extraordinary people in the wilderness to return to the town, to be met with an inhospitable welcome and sarcastic frown. So, I continued to the city where all types and manners of humankind meet. The whispers in the backrooms drowned out by the heavy music, the chatter of the crowd, the beat.

A stayed, buoyed kind of happiness returns to me. As we consider that God makes a much better Master than men. So, I have no choice but to continue to offer myself as a living sacrifice – so to speak. For God gave all burdens to Christ, even mine, even the ones I carry that do not belong to me. So I can only say to Christ, I love thee.

‘Even in the wilderness, nature is not so stern as man.’

William Hepworth Dixon in ‘The Holy Land’

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Image credit: Photo by Alex Forestier on Unsplash

Isaiah 40:3-4; John 1:22-24

 

Wilderness: 

2048 érēmos – properly, an uncultivatedunpopulated place; a desolate (deserted) area; (figuratively) a barren, solitary place that also provides needed quiet (freedom from disturbance).

In Scripture, a “desert” (2048 /érēmos) is ironically also where God richly grants His presence and provision for those seeking Him. The limitless Lord shows Himself strong in the “limiting” (difficult) scenes of life.

[2048 (érēmos) in the strict sense expresses a lack of population (not merely “sparse vegetation”). This root (erēmo-) does “not suggest absolute barrenness but unappropriated territory affording free range for shepherds and their flocks. Hepworth Dixon (The Holy Land) says, ‘Even in the wilderness nature is not so stern as man…]

Strong’s Greek Concordance

 

‘But you were washed’ – Denying the spirit of judge-mentalism

In my former years, I would go outside for a durry, but now I go out to breathe fresh air. For some of us, this statement rings true also for our whole lives. The toxic habits we used to live by may have taken their toll on our health – emotional, mental, physical or spiritual. Some of these old ways become ingrained, in our speech, actions, appearance, even the lines on our face tell a story.

We can judge another person without even speaking to them, we judge by what we see, perceive or hear about them, allowing our own motives and prejudices to guide us. This kind of judgementalism is unjust and is a sign of our humanness. Though broken, humanity still bears the image of the invisible God that is his glorious creation, despite our misgivings concerning one another.

We’ve all gone the wrong way, and we’ve all suffered pain. Who should judge their friend for being a smoker; for being tattooed perhaps at a time when life, love or grief overcame them; for having been admitted to a hospital because their emotional pain was too much to bear alone? When we judge one another for outward appearances or for our experiences during times of stress, suffering and pain, we deny one another an opportunity to be loved. The love of God is the source of all comfort, help and wisdom – it is expressed through one another by His word and Spirit, in our words and deeds.

A spirit of judgementalism has crept into our churches in many forms over many centuries. Are you saved? Are you from this place or that? Are you learned? Are you friends with those people? Are you faithful enough not to despair in times of suffering? What work do you do?  …  (Are you better than me?) Did you pass the test?

This testing of one another reminds us of the disciples jostling for pole position next to Jesus’ side (Luke 22). It is a false gospel that is proclaimed, it is not what Jesus taught his friends. Jesus’ friends also struggled with this spirit of judgementalism time and again. They did not fully understand who Jesus was nor did they understand what the kingdom of God would bring.

Christ-culture. We, as friends of the resurrected Jesus, come to him just as we are, every day. We come to him first, knowing that ‘there is only One who is good’ (Mt 19:17) before we open his whole word and listen for his Spirit which is one of love, unity, fellowship and forgiveness. It is God who teaches us how to love and serve him and one another because he is motivated by love – he is Love.

Turn around from that treacherous road you were travelling upon and believe and understand with your heart, mind and soul that Jesus is Lord of all Creation, our communities and our lives. Live in light of that knowledge, relying on God’s wisdom and the Spirit of gentleness and discernment. Give glory and power and honour to him who is the Just Judge over all things, forever. Amen.

Less-quoted sayings of Jesus: (Recommended reading in context)

“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death…’ Mark 14:32-34

“Leave her alone… why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me.” Mark 14:6

“Beware of the teachers of the law. They like to walk around in flowing robes and love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and have the most important seats in the synagogues and the places of honour at banquets. They devour widows’ houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. These men will be punished most severely.” Luke 20: 46-47

“Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.” Luke 21:17

“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.” John 7:24

“…why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition?” Matt 15:3

“Get behind me Satan. You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” Matt 16:23

“Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous? So the last will be first, and the first will be last.” Matt 20:14

“For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves. You are those who have stood by me in my trials.” Luke 22:27-28

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Image credit:

A lost sailor photo by Michael Olsen on Unsplash

Dewdrop reflection photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

A Monotone Monofaith in My Salvation

The message of many Christian evangelicals is one of personal salvation by faith in Christ. This is perceived to be the essence of our belief in the one true God, who sacrificed His Son so that ‘I’ may be saved. This message, while correct, is only a portion of the message, yet it appeals to our desire to be seen as acceptable – in God’s sight and in the sight of others. It comes with a bitter pill of accepting that without God I am unacceptable, I am a sinner, my life before Christ was full of sin and I must repent of my former ways and become completely new.

This is an uncomfortable message of a mini-gospel – The evangelist who first shares this message with a non-believer earnestly wishes to see whether their persuasive words take effect in that person’s heart and mind so that they can imagine another notch on their belt of salvific works in partnership with God. They have thrown another soul into the lifeboat of which they are at the helm. We look out onto the sea and there are so many souls bobbing around if only they would accept our offer of God’s help and be saved. If they do not, they are not wise, but foolish and will deny it at their own peril.

We can look out to a sea of lifeboats, all of various shapes and sizes and colours, with completely different people at the helm. Some will make the lifeboat as comfortable and attractive as possible, knowing that passers-by will simply climb onto the rope ladder hung over the edge. Others do not allow just anyone in; they must be tested and drilled for their knowledge and beliefs first.  Some make the soul survivors recite special words, like an entrance test before they can be deemed acceptable to join the lifeboat. While some will not accept anyone who has been in a different lifeboat and jumped out when they were starved or mistreated – such people will be treated with suspicion as to why they ‘jumped ship’.

This analogy is not at all biblical. Yet it is such a common lived experience of the Christian life that perhaps it has become normalised and is no longer challenged. Its prevalence has been growing steadily for the past 500 years, though it is as old as the Church itself.

If we were to take a bird’s eye view of this scene, how does this look like a family, a Kingdom of God, a bride prepared for her groom, a body consisting of many parts?

Many evangelical Christian faithfully rote-learn passages from the Bible, especially from Romans, but it takes regular prayer and reflection to examine the context. Here in Romans 12:1 we are given what can be perceived as a ‘do or die’ message. This is the way many live their faith, it is honourable, we make sacrifices, and we sacrifice our own wellbeing and sometimes our friends and families for the sake of the ‘gospel’. Yet, this is also a message fed to us by the world – that our own plans and purposes (for work, for achievement, for accolades) are more important than relationships with others. I contend that God’s will is – good pleasing and perfect, and our will is not. The will of the world is one of selfish ambition and it can creep into our lives, our faith, our ministries and families on a daily basis. Our personalised mini-gospel is too small for God’s kingdom purposes.

A Living Sacrifice

1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

God’s View of Gospel Church

It is no accident that the following verses of Romans 12 set out exactly what God’s will for the Gospel church looks like (ps. there is no notion of individual lifeboats floating on an ocean of drowning souls):

Humble Service in the Body of Christ

3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your (the) faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, (or to provide for others*) do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

Romans 125 collage

What is the image of a Gospel-shaped faith that seeks to love God and one another in all of our lives? A chorus of voices proclaiming the Gospel to every nation in many languages, inspiring hope in salvation for all God’s people for His purposes for eternity. A lived faith in God as our Creator, Redeemer and Helper for the sake and salvation of the world.

 


*Notes:

  • Rom 12:8 – the one who leads (προιστημι) has a sense of direction, protection, ‘to care for’, ‘to help’, ‘to assist’, ‘to join with’. – Strongs Greek #4291

 

Image Credit for  Photo Collage:

Sunset family on beach – Photo by Stuart Vivier on Unsplash

Mountain hiking group – Photo by Kevin Delvecchio on Unsplash

Faith heart woman – Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash

Bible verses and notes from bible.com

© Lisa Haynes 2018